The metaphor of a mother as a juggler has never been more accurate than while we are sheltering in place in our homes. Certainly, fathers also experience stress related to their multiple roles. I will address fatherhood and its challenges at another time. This blog is dedicated to moms (although dads are welcome to read it, too).
During the COVID-19 pandemic, a whole new level of complexity has been added to motherhood. Working remotely while children are at home makes concentrating on a work assignment almost unmanageable. Homeschooling while working remotely at home raises parenting challenges exponentially. Even if you are not working remotely, you are still juggling other responsibilities that have mushroomed in volume. For example, how many more meals are you cooking?
I remember when my children were young, I never felt that I was adequately fulfilling all of my competing demands as a mother, wife, student, employee, and community member. Something or someone always seemed to be neglected—or so it seemed to me. In hindsight, I had it easy. I did not need to home-school my children while the world was experiencing a pandemic.
Juggling in place with your children is the perfect recipe for feeling inadequate. If you are imposing unrealistic expectations on yourself right now—I wrote this blog for you. Given your time commitments, I will address two issues—OK, OK, actually three:
- Develop a schedule with designated times for work/school, for family activities, and for fun.
- Approximate your “normal” schedule. Children need a consistent time for waking up and for going to bed. (Some of you might have children who are early risers and will wake up the whole household each morning. Such children have probably read this blog and are just trying to implement my suggestions.)
- Pajamas are for bed, not for day-time activities. Many of us have warm memories of watching cartoons on Saturday mornings while still in our pajamas. But weekdays are different. Getting dressed sets an appropriate tone for working on school assignments and other home responsibilities.
- Understand that almost all schools were caught unprepared for conducting classes remotely. Teachers are scrambling to adapt to a radically different way to teach and to interact with their students. Expect at least some of your children’s assignments may be difficult to complete or might be perceived by them as boring. Empathize with your children about their assignments but still expect them to finish their work.
- Usually it’s best to have school activities begin in the morning followed by a clear-cut end to the school day.
- Try to schedule at least one novel fun activity each day such as baking (and eating) cookies, bringing out low-tech toys that haven’t been played with for a long time, or just going through your family’s photograph collection.
- Children (and adults!) need physical exercise. Include times for safe outside activities if that’s possible in your community. Otherwise, exercise indoors with the hopes that your neighbors will tolerate the inside noise.
- Recognize that you cannot be juggling all the time. You need time to complete at least some of your own tasks and for rest. Otherwise, your patience and productivity will falter— which brings me to the next issue.
- Children can learn to work independently and to amuse themselves.
- Given their druthers, most children would like to have their mother’s undivided attention. An important life skill, however, is learning to work and play independently at times – and to enjoy your own company. Your children’s teachers will thank you for fostering this skill, so will your children’s future life partners.
- To stretch your child’s capacity for being independent, select an amount of time that is reasonable given their age and attention span. Children, as young as 3 years old, can be independent for brief periods of time. Start with a small amount of time — perhaps as little as 10 minutes for young children. Of course, make sure your children are in a safe location during the times you are trying to stretch their ability to function independently.
- Set a timer for the number of minutes you expect your young children to work on a school assignment, put together a puzzle, or whatever. Make sure they can see the timer to know how much time is expected for working independently. Older children can use the timer on their smartphone or another electronic device when they are expected to work independently. After the timer rings, it’s time to do something together or at least something different.
- If your child has been successful in working or playing independently during the time, praise him or her. The next time increase the number of minutes by a small increment like an additional five minutes. If your child was not successful, try again later in the day using a smaller amount of time.
- Children are more resilient than many adults realize.
- Everyone experiences adversity sometime during their lifetime. Resiliency is the capacity to recover and grow from a difficult situation. Individuals who are resilient do not just handle the situation; they develop new or enhanced coping skills.
- Sheltering in place at home is stressful for adults and children. Parents who are nurturing and who demonstrate their own positive coping skills foster resiliency in their children—another important life skill.
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In response to the current situation, INSIGHTS Intervention is now offering online individual and group services for parents and for children. Please check them out.
Most of all, be safe, stay well, and treasure those you love.